You find yourself driving along on a sunny afternoon in Fitchburg Massachusetts to meet your grandmother for a mid-summers day picnic of finger sandwiches and cod liver oil, when all of the sudden two men leap onto the roof of your high performance sports automobile from the Saturn company (not the planet). These two men are hell bent on making you drive where they want to go. One screams that you must go to Taco Bell for some fast yet painfully delicious gorditas. While the other wails that he must go watch 17 hour Russian flux film festival at Cinemaworld. The voices in your head make you pull your .45 out of the glove box and demands that you shoot these two ruffians off your speeding vehicle’s roof. As you chamber a bullet, you realize it was your last one... due to the great seagull wars of ’06 that had just been laid to bed (thank you General Hamm). “Fuck!” you think to yourself as the voices in your head begin reciting Hamlet backwards, “Now which one should I shoot?”

DO YOU:

    Shoot the man that wants Taco Bell (Matt) because you once had a friend who worked there, and you know exactly what “Grade-F meat” can do to the human body. Plus 17 hours of numerical repetition is your idea of a good time

or

    Shoot the russian flux film movie buff (Sarge) because you REFUSE  to have another night like the one three years ago when your math major girlfriend took you to the Yakov Sinai flux film festival and you had to sit through an infinity of visual number counting just so you could get some touch. Plus the T-Bell is as delicious as it is fast... like your mom!

OR!

    Shoot yourself. Grandma would be proud. Plus this way, you’ll see her soon regardless.