Take a seat... stay awhile....

The Couch came from humble beginnings out of Tuscaloosa, AL.

Well, at least that’s where we caught up with it. It was a cold night and Steve and I were driving back to New England in our ‘84 Dodge pickup after yet another of our all night southern mini-golf/hooker binges when we we’re running low on gas. So we pull into this little Mom and Pop who’s also your brother rest stops. After filling up the tank, a nice hearty meal, and being told on more then one occasion that we had “a pretty mouth,” we figured it was time to be on our way. As we ran back to our truck we were jumped by about 47 disgruntled ninja that we though we had lost back in Louisiana.

        “Mr. Krol... Mr. Buja...” the ninja master said ominously, “Did you honestly think you could escape us after the dishonor you brought to our clan?”

        “Look man,” I replied, “It was only mini golf... let it go?”

        “Yeah.” Steve proclaimed, “And I only slept with three of your daughters...”

        “Enough!!!” the Master bellowed! “Crimes such as those you have committed are punishable by decapitation!!!”

        Now Steve and myself began to worry a bit at this point. See in all of our wacky adventures up to this point, we have only ben able to take 42 ninjas at most. And that was with proper rest and nourishment... both of which we were severally lacking at this point (pay not attention to how we just ate a hearty meal). We both took on a defensive stance as the ninja warriors surrounded us. I removed my nun-chucks from under my top hat while steve unclasped the bow-staff from his back. Oh... it was on...

        The battle raged on for what seemed like centuries (real time 7.3 minutes). We had managed to beat our previous record and dispatched of 44 ninjas (w00t) but two, along with the master, remained. Steve and I lay broken, bruised, and beaten on the pavement and the ninja master walked callously towards our fallen bodies. He raised his katana high into the night sky.

        “With this final blow, I restore honor to my clan...”

        “But not to your daughters” Steve remarked slyly.

        “OOOOooooOOoOOOoooooooo... BUUUUURRRNNNN!!!!” Matt hollered.

        Just as the last bit of wise-asssery that we would ever speak left our lips, his sword began its swift decent towards out necks. We both silently made our piece, preparing for whatever lies beyond this world.

::::CLANG!!!!::::

We opened our eyes, expecting to see our bodies a few feet away from our heads, only to find that the fatal blow had been blocked by none other then The Couch!

        “You boys look like you could use a hand” The Couch said calmly.

The Ninja Master, infuriated, brought his blade back for a second attack, but he could not match the couch’s blinding speed. With a flash of brilliant motion and the grace of a dancer, The Couch bit off the ninja master’s head with its jaw-cushions of doom. The two remaining ninjas tried to flee once their lord had fallen, but they were slain before they could fully turn tail via The Couch’s duel MP5’s it was packing. It was over.

        “Thanks The Couch!” Matt said elatedly.

        “Not a problem boys,” breezed The Couch as it lit a cigar. “Say, you boys heading north?”

        “That we are,” Steve answered. “Need a ride?”

        “That I do son... Winds blowin’ me in that direction... Lets ride....

        ...

        ...

        ...

        ...say you boys don’t happen to like mini-golf and hookers do you?”

And with that question that we all knew the answer to... we rode off into the sunset, on a journey that would eventually take us here, to Same Night Movie Reviews