SNMR FAQS

(that’s Frequently Asked Questions to you!)

For those of you who don’t want to wade through the utter absurdity that is our magnum opus of explanation in video form, here it is: the short version!

1.Do you guys really do these things in a night?

Yes, as a matter of fact we do.

2.Why?

Well, it just sort of evolved into that. It all started, as you by now know, with Ultraviolet. We were so angry that we stayed up until 3 or 4 am shooting that one, and then we were like ‘Hey, let’s do this type of thing for other movies, as well!’ So, sticking to the spirit of that first review, we set our sights on more same night goodness.

3.That sounds kind of weird.

Please state your question in the form of a question. Moving on!

4.Where do you guys normally see the movies you review?

Why, want to follow us? But, we usually see them at the AMC 25 in Times Square. Despite being part of the “enemy” (trust me, I used to work there), it is a shockingly good theater with excellent seats, good sound and exquisite projection. Mmm…projection…

5.Do you plan stuff out beforehand?

Admittedly, we have picked out certain concepts before actually seeing the movie, but the rant is completely made up during and after the movie. Other little things, such as our visitor in the ‘X-3’ review have a little bit of pre-gaming before the film’s viewing.

6.I have a question about the rating system.

Shoot.

7.How does it work exactly?

Oh, for the love of Christ, not again…calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean…Anyways, it works like this: the worse the movie, the more drinking that is required. This is because you do not want to be in your right mind while viewing it, because it is just that painful and being drunk will at least salvage the situation. We work on a one to five shot scale. One being damn good… five being horrendous. There are exceptions, for instance some movies, like say…’Lord of the Rings’ are zero shot movies, cuz they’re just that damn good. Others, like…’Ultraviolet’ (ugh, its name is poison to the lips) require a substantial amount of alcohol, much more than five shots (see Ultraviolet review for further details).

8.Do the shot numbers amount to anything in the real critical viewpoint? Like does such and such represent a three star movie?

Eh, kinda. A good movie is a good movie regardless, I suppose. We’ll say this:

Zero shots – a classic movie; 4 stars

1 shot – 3 ½  to 4 star movie (see it in theaters…now)

2 shot – 3 star movie (catch a matinee)

3 shot – 2 ½ star movie (see it if you want, but bring people; forgettable)

4 shot – 2 star movie (not high recommended; rent this movie in a few years)

5 shot – 1 ½  to 1 star movie (don’t even rent this to whip your ass with the DVD insert)

?? – Ultraviolet; avoid at all costs

9.Do you use real alcohol?

Boy howdy, do we ever? That is real Vodka in those shot glasses, so you better pray we get the rating part done right the first time.

10.  I think you should add more of that charming, roguish Steve fellow.

He is quite handsome, isn’t he? Expect more of him to come…later!

11.  Is Matt insane? He doesn’t sound very stable, always yelling and ranting and stuff, and that    

       scares me. Is that usual?

That’s two questions, Timmy. But to answer them, yes, he is quite insane. But I assure you, he’s utterly harmless sitting there on your computer screen. Unless he found a way to get out of that digital world…sorcerers trapped him there ages ago, and he’s longed to escape since. Will you be the computer monitor he escapes through and begins his unholy terror on this good earth, with the blood of your family and your pets soaked on his pale, translucent skin that hasn’t seen the light of day in a thousand years?

12.  Uhhh…now I really am scared.

You should be. You fucking should be.

13.  Hey, there’s no need to swear, is there?

I’m asking the fucking questions now.

14.  What?

Such insolence! Who are you to ask all this shit of us? Can’t you gleam it just by watching the reviews?

15.  Ummm…not really.

I won’t accept excuses, boy! Or girl.

16.  Why are you being such a dick?

Well, why are you asking so many questions?

17.  You asked me, too! You needed to explain the whole system behind SNMR.

Screenshot or it didn’t happen (see WoW).

18.  What?

Ya heard me.

19.  I think we’re getting a little off-topic.

Yeah, your mom’s a little off-topic.

20.  Oh, I see how it is, we’re gonna resort to middle school name calling are we?

Your mom’s a…middle school name calling!

21.  That doesn’t even make any sense! Alright, alright, truce?

Fine…

22.  Good.

…Commie…

23.  Grrrr….fine. Getting back on topic: I noticed a bunch of guest spots on the main site. How do I  

       become a guest?

Well, I guess you have to be in the right place at the right time is all. Some of our little skits may involve more than just the two of us, so stay by your phone in case we need you!

24.  Oh, any prejudice in what movies you review on the site?

We’re trying to stick to the ones that have a lot of hype and people will almost certainly see, like ‘X-Men 3’ or ‘The DaVinci Code’. Though, we may sometimes see a movie and just review it out of the blue.

25.  What about movies that slip past your radar?

Hey, nothing slips past us. In that case, Steve, assuming he’s forked over the money, the cheap bastard, will put it in his Written Reviews section on the main site.

26.  Wow…this FAQ is getting really long.

Your mom’s pretty long!

27.  Not this again.

Oh, the shit is on!

28.  Anyways, thanks for taking this time out to answer some of the question your dozens of adoring  

       fans have always wanted to ask, but were too afraid to do so!

Does that…does that mean we’re done?

29.  Yes.

Whoo-hoo! Freedom! I get to go on the water-slide now!

30.  Please send your love, affection and criticisms to the monkeys over at SNMR. They love to hear

       what you think!

:::splash:::